Backyard weddings may be budget-friendly, but they’re also some of the most heartfelt, memorable celebrations I’ve ever been part of. In this candid post, I break down the truth about DIY weddings—what works, what really doesn’t—and share the hard-earned lessons from my own big day, plus decades of watching couples navigate tight budgets with creativity, joy, and sometimes a little regret. If you’re planning a backyard celebration, this is the guide I wish someone had handed me 25 years ago.
December 4, 2024
Now 51 years old, I have been to more weddings than I can remember: as a guest, a seven-time groomsman, a best man, and a groom myself. And, as a wedding DJ, I have now provided DJ services to over 600 couples on their wedding days. Without question, I’ve attended a few more weddings than the average person. There have been destination weddings that wiped out my savings and lavish, red-carpet galas that cost more than I make in a year. There have also been no frills parties at local VFWs and park gazebos when couples had strict budgets and kept to them. Some couples have money to spend, others are barely scraping by. There is no shame in keeping things cheap; in truth, some of my favorite weddings have been intimate backyard affairs that ended with singalongs, bonfires, and s'mores.
My wife and I often muse that if we were to do it again, we would likely elope. Neither of us came from money, and neither of us had money. Without having much help from our families, we saved every penny for a year and a half to pay the $8,000 price tag for our wedding. At the end of the night, in our Knights of Columbus hall rental, with two tiers of wedding cake left uneaten and a month's worth of leftover catering boxed up for guests to take home, we realized we overspent, yet we spent so much less than others we knew. That was in 1999 (we celebrate our 25th anniversary two weeks from today), and the cost of weddings over those twenty-five years has only continued to rise exponentially higher. Knowing now so much more than we did then, my wife and I both agree that if we could go back in time and do it all over again...
we would elope.
I am being completely serious. The money we spent on our wedding could have yielded a life-changing global tour of a honeymoon, the likes of which would have dwarfed our four days and three nights in the Bahamas. Or—and this would have been much more sensible—the money could have been better spent as a deposit on our first home. It is probably unwise for a wedding DJ to encourage couples to elope, but here is a life lesson learned late: keeping things simple allows you to prioritize the things that really matter. This is why, today, I thought I would share my experience (both personal and professional). Today's entry is for those brides who are budget-conscious. Most of us don’t have access to unlimited funds, so we have to make do within our means. Hence, the birth of the backyard do-it-yourself wedding. I have DJed quite a few over the years.
Here are some suggestions for navigating your big day when money is limited.
You can have a beautiful wedding day without going broke.
First, you need to prioritize. With so many things that you can spend money on at your wedding, it is important to focus your energy (and money) on the things that matter most. How do you decide what’s most important? Here is a simple trick: think back to the last wedding you attended. Think about what stands out in your mind, and there is your answer. Very few wedding guests remember party favors, shoes, linens, chair covers, or flowers. But these things all cost money. So many things that seem so important now will mean very little after the day is over. I am in no way suggesting that you will regret having these things. I am just saying you do not want to drive yourself crazy over the little things. And then there is this: when you do it yourself, some things may seem easier than they really are.
For starters, I have known too many brides who hired friends to shoot their wedding photos—often these brides had seen their friends' photos in person or on social media—and they were taken aback by their beauty. But I have known many brides who have lamented their decisions. While their friends may have taken some beautiful photos, they were not professional wedding photographers. Because of this, the friends missed several moments that would normally be photographed. The friends also took photos that these brides believed would look perfect when framed on their walls at home, only to find they were heavily shadowed or underexposed. A professional photographer is a must. You do not need to purchase their biggest packages. Many photographers offer mini-sessions of just a few hours; that is enough time to guarantee you get the photos you want most. I know many professional photographers who are affordable and who will work within your budget. Please ask me for their names. And if you are lucky enough to have a friend who is a professional photographer, remember this: if they are close friends, sometimes it is still best to hire a professional. You may later regret that your closest friend was working during your wedding; I know brides whose wedding photos were their friends' wedding gifts to them. While they love their photos, many have told me they later wished their friends had instead been guests and celebrating with them.
If you want to make your own centerpieces go for it—as long as your plans do not require assembly the night before your big day. Crepe paper, fake flowers, and Styrofoam are not much fun at 2 a.m. the day of your wedding. Creating your decorations should be fun, not stressful. For our wedding, we made our own centerpieces, and to this day it remains one of my wife's biggest regrets. When she remembers them, it often makes her sad. They were cheap, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that they looked cheap. This was before YouTube tutorials, and we did not have particularly creative and artistic friends. Thinking only of the cost, we purchased the cheapest materials the craft store supplied. Big mistake. Do not spend a fortune, but spend enough. Also, be sure to research, plan, and prepare—all three are free to do—before diving into any project. We learned our lesson. Years later, as we prepared for my older son's bar mitzvah, my wife made the decorations herself...and they looked incredible. I have even suggested she should open an Etsy store and sell her products and designs from the bar mitzvah (it was Nintendo themed, which remains as popular as ever). Another lesson learned.
But here is the BIG one. If you do not want to hire a professional caterer, go for a fool-proof buffet. Who doesn't love a taco bar or a slice of pizza? Fan favorites are always a hit; don't be afraid to serve easy choices. But catering is more complicated than this. Your catering staff does so much more than preparing and serving your food. Here are just a few things couples sometimes overlook: decide in advance who will be serving champagne, who will be cutting and plating your cake, and who will be clearing dirty plates after dinner. I have seen brides in their wedding gowns busing tables and taking huge, leaking garbage bags to the trash. I think it’s a crime! This is your special day. Even if you hire a couple of teenagers to do this, it’s well worth it. Also, if your caterer is not a professional, he or she may not know that you eat first. Never begin serving your guests dinner before you get yours. The bride and groom always come first.
As far as music goes, with iTunes and Spotify subscriptions, music is readily available. I always tell my couples that any teenager with an iPhone can play their music. It won't sound very good, but it can be done. But there's a catch. Customizing a playlist for your cocktail hour or dinner is easy; your ceremony and dancing, not so much. Like your photographer, hiring a professional DJ is always your best bet. This is not self-referential, and I am not making a play for your money by saying this. I am just being honest. Your iPhone can’t take requests, it can't fade out a song that’s not working, and it can't adapt and adjust to what songs are getting the best dance response. It is impossible to pre-select playlists that can read the room, that can build momentum, and that can keep all guests of all ages dancing throughout the night. Nor can your iPhone provide introductions, make announcements, or coordinate with your photographer and caterer so everything runs smoothly.
It is often said that most wedding guests remember just two things: the food and the music, but it is simpler than that. Most people remember one thing only. They remember if they had fun. That is especially true of the bride and groom. So focus on the things that make it fun. If, at the end of the night, you didn’t have fun at your own wedding, you will always regret it. You only get one chance. I cherish my wedding day memories. It wasn't perfect, but we were happy, and we had fun.
But, unlike me and my wife, you still have time to save the money and elope.
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