Every couple has songs they love—and songs they’d rather never hear again as long as they live. In this post, I explain why the “Do Not Play” list is just as important as your Must-Plays, how one slow dance choice once nearly derailed a reception, and why giving your DJ musical boundaries is essential for keeping your wedding exactly the vibe you want.
April 7, 2025
No two wedding receptions are ever the same, nor should they be. As the most important day in your life, your wedding reception should be uniquely YOU. This is why I give all of my couples complete control of their reception playlist. Couples can micromanage and give me every song in the order they want them, though this is not encouraged, and it usually does not end well. Still, the choice is theirs to make. Alternatively, my couples can simply trust me to do my job and choose DJ Discretion. It happens more than you would think, though I generally discourage this as well. The perfect middle ground is to give me 15 - 25 "Must Plays." This tells me all I need to know about your preferred decades, genres, and artists. Working from your list, I am then able to fill in the gaps while reading the room to make your dance floor as immersive and as inclusive as possible. I often consider DJing a game of sorts. I do not pay attention to those who are already dancing; if they are on their feet, I have already won them over. Rather, I am looking at those guests who are dancing at their tables. By watching their visual cues, I can weave a musical tapestry that will lead them to the dance floor in time. That is the gift of a skilled DJ with musical knowledge. Still, my couples have final say, and I defer to them before making choices of any kind. This is not my day, and I am not there to play my favorite music. I am there for you, and I like to believe it shows in everything I do. Allowing my couples to customize their itineraries and music selections is of paramount importance. And while a couples' "Must Plays" help determine the vibe and flow of their reception, their "Do Not Play" lists are of equal importance.
There’s an oft mentioned misconception that wedding DJ’s play “wedding cheese." Let me begin by saying that's not really a thing. While I rarely scrape the bottom of the barrel with overplayed songs that refuse to die, guilty pleasures are always a hit at weddings. The definition of "cheese" when it comes to music is very blurry. But for our purposes here, it tends to mean the often overplayed “classics” such as "YMCA" and "Sweet Caroline." It is important to note that such songs are "classics" because they have stood the test of time. Most of the time, guests will fill the dance floor when such tracks are played, and that is why you've hired me, isn't it? Still, I would be very happy to never hear the likes of "The Chicken Dance" or "The Macarena" ever again. But if you want them, you've got them. Most couples tend to agree with me, however. And for that reason, I present to you the "Do Not Play" List.
I've had couples tell me that before finding and hiring me they first talked to other DJs who told them upfront that he or she decides on all music played. This makes absolutely no sense to me. Who would have the audacity to tell a couple that they have no say in deciding the music at their own wedding? I don't think many DJs operate this way, but some do. That is not who I am or what I do. I will never play music you don’t want to hear!
Let me explain a little further….
I give every couple access to an online event planning system, allowing them to plan a playlist (amongst a lot of other things) for their special occasion. One of the features of the planning system is the “Do Not Play” list. If a song (or artist) is listed there before your special day, trust me—it will not be played. No matter how much your guests may beg! The ONLY person who can allow the “Do Not Play” songs to be played on the night is….well….YOU!
There are MANY reasons for a DO NOT PLAY list. But I learned long ago just how important the list is.
When mixing music for the dance floor, I play music in waves. At the start of each hour, songs begin near 100 - 110 beats per minute. As the hour continues, the bpm grows faster and faster until it builds to a crescendo at or near 150, then it comes down and the hour ends with a slow dance before building momentum again. The music flows organically as it grows in intensity. Watching your guests, you will see their collective fist pumps coming faster and faster while reaching higher and higher. But your guests need to rest. If I keep them at highest velocity for too long, they will grow tired , and "tired" turns into "drowsy." When guests become drowsy, they begin looking at their watches and phones, and then they begin to leave early. And, honestly, many of your wedding guests are waiting to slow dance; I think it is important to give it to them.
Well, about fifteen years ago, I randomly selected a slow song at the end of the first hour of dancing. And I could tell by the looks on my couples' faces that the song selected was not good. The song I chose was "All My Life," a huge hit from 1997 by K-Ci & JoJo. It is a song that my wife insists is equal parts romantic, sexy, and seductive. To use her words, his voice is like butter, and women melt when listening to him croon. I will be honest here—I do not know if the him my wife is referring to is K-Ci or if it is JoJo—but she is not wrong. I have watched women swoon (or, to extend the butter metaphor, "melt") as the song plays. But on this occasion, my groom's face turned pale, and the bride looked as if she was going to be sick on the dance floor. I soon learned that this was the groom's second marriage, and "All My Life" had been the song used for his First Dance at his first wedding. Eek! No one was angry with me; I had no way to know that the couple's history with this song. Typically, guests flocked to the dance floor in droves when the song was played, filling the dance floor to maximum capacity. But not this time. And had I known, it would never have been played. It was at that wedding that I discerned the importance of a "Do Not Play" list.
Music is a powerful thing. It is a time machine, really. Few things in life cause an emotional reaction or evoke powerful memories in the way music is able to do. And for this reason, a "Do Not Play" list is hugely important. There are many reasons to list a song on your "Do Not Play" list:
It may be that a long-passed relation loved a particular song;
It might be that a particular song was important in a previous relationship;
A particular song can bring back memories of a time when you hit rock bottom;
It is also possible that it is simply a song you absolutely hate.
Perhaps, you do not like the artist. That is also a thing. If you think Ed Sheeran's voice is like nails on a chalkboard, you likely do not want to hear him sing at your reception.
Whatever the reason, I won’t ask questions. If you’ve asked for a song not to be played, then it will not be played—it's that easy.
Do you still have questions about YOUR wedding reception music? I’m always available and ready to help! But YOU have full control of your playlist…it’s YOUR day after all! This is my promise to you.
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