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The Common Order of Events at a Reception
The Common Order of Events at a Reception
You've both said "yes," and now the big day is becoming more real than ever. After years of imagining what it would be like, it is finally time to plan your wedding reception. From preparing the guest list to choosing the right menu, curating the celebration of your love can be confusing, and it often leaves couples feeling very overwhelmed. What's more, many couples who hire me have never attended a wedding before. These couples do not know how to plan because they do not know what to expect. This causes them even more stress! Don't worry because I am here to help. If you are unfamiliar with the different stages and key moments of a wedding reception, I am going to walk you through them all. What follows is the common order of events with a brief explanation of each. First, let's make sure you understand what I mean by "common". The steps listed happen at most weddings, and they typically happen in the order I have listed them in. Common does not mean mandatory. Please understand that what I am sharing with you is only one example, and no two weddings are ever the same.
Cocktail Hour: (usually 45 - 60 mins)
After your ceremony ends, you, your bridal party, and family will leave your guests to take more wedding photos. I say more photos because your wedding photographer likely took photos before the ceremony, too. As you are taking these photos, your guests will begin arriving at the reception where they will enjoy cocktails and appetizers and get acquainted with one another. I will be playing music for your guests during cocktail hour—if you leave it to my discretion, I will play vocal jazz standards and Rat Pack (what you likely hear playing at an upscale Italian restaurant). But some couples like to choose the music themselves; they often pick vocal jazz standards and Rat Pack themselves; other common genres for Cocktail Hour include coffeehouse / indie, instrumental jazz, 50s / 60s, yacht rock, or something truly unique to the two of them. This is your opportunity to put some of your own personality into the evening’s music by having me play songs that are not particularly danceable but still have a lot of meaning for the two of you. Just keep in mind that you will not hear Cocktail Music because you will not be there. Do not request songs you want to hear. Those are better saved for dinner music.
Bridal Party Introductions:
(from 3 - 5 mins)
I will play a song of your choosing for your grand entrance. This is the first of the song selections you will make for the "special moments" of your reception. You want to keep the music upbeat and energetic for your introduction because this is a truly festive moment. Some couples are content to have a single song for the entire bridal party. Others choose a separate song for the newlyweds themselves. I strongly suggest that you do not choose a different song for each pairing. This never goes well; introducing each pairing of your bridal party takes, at most, 20 seconds. If you have five pairings and then the two of you, that would require 6 songs to be played in less than two minutes. It usually sounds jarring and sloppy, and your guests will have difficulty recognizing each song in the short time it is played before the next song begins. It is always best to choose only one or two songs. I ask that your photographer or a single member of your bridal party come to me to let me know when you have arrived at the venue. I will then go outside to meet you, line up all members of your bridal party in proper sequence, and give you instructions for entering. I will also confirm that I have the correct pronunciation of everyone's name. With the approval of your photographer, I can help give you ideas for a choreographed entrance if you like. The photographer and I do work together to make sure that great photos are taken of each couple as they enter.
Toasts, Speeches, and the Invocation:
(from 5 - 15 minutes, depending on the number of speakers)
Once everyone has entered and is seated at the head table, I will provide a wireless microphone for the Best Man, Maid of Honor, Father of the Bride, and anyone else who may want to speak for you. It is important that your flutes are already filled if a champagne toast is desired. Following toasts and speeches, some couples like to have an invocation (a prayer before eating). This is usually performed by the officiant of your ceremony or an honored family member.
Dinner
(usually 45 - 60 mins)
The bride and groom are the first to eat; even if you have a buffet, the caterer sometimes brings you a plated meal. Following the head table, the immediate family will be fed next. Tables are usually dismissed to a buffet by number. It is always best if your caterer dismisses tables. I can do it, and I often do. But when I dismiss tables, I am the last to eat; this can delay the itinerary moving forward. If you leave the music to my discretion, I will usually continue to play vocal jazz standards and Rat Pack. If you select the music, you are encouraged to stay within the genres listed for Cocktail Hour. It is important that soft music be played so it will not interfere with your guests’ table conversations. That means no horns and no screaming guitars. Some traditionalists insist that instrumental music is best for dinner hour, whether it’s jazz, piano, classical or easy listening. The one big exception to this rule is if one or both of you are country music fans. Country music is an enemy of the dance floor in northeast Ohio. Your guests will dance to one, maybe two upbeat country songs in a row. But my experience has shown that once a third country song is played, your dance floor will be mostly empty. (Your guests will slow dance to country ballads, though.) If you want to hear country music, a good compromise is to play it during dinner. After the two of you have finished eating, it is customary for you to walk to each table to personally thank your guests for sharing this special day with you. If you begin the rounds quickly enough, most of your guests will still be eating. This allows you to escape each table without being drawn into very lengthy conversations. Some couples will perform a "Table Run" competition during this time. This is a game where I play a song of your choosing, and before that song has finished playing, the photographer will try to photograph the two of you at each table. This allows you to have a photo with every guest in attendance. Turning it into a timed contest adds to the fun.
Cake Cutting:
(about 10 mins)
It used to be tradition to cut your cake later in the evening. But when that happened, the bride and groom were left taking home a lot of cake. Your older guests and families with young children usually begin leaving after dinner has ended. You want to be sure that your cake is eaten before they leave. Today, the cake cutting is usually performed immediately after dinner—which makes sense! Dessert usually comes after dinner, so this feels "natural". The cake cutting is another one of those "special moments". You will be asked to select a special song to play as you cut your cake. The most important question is whether you will feed one another gracefully or smash the cake into one another's faces. There is no judgment from me either way, and they do sell "his" and "hers" bibs (and "his" and "hers" ponchos!) for this very reason. You need to tell me which you intend to do because I need to know if I need to allow time for the two of you to clean up before the reception moves on.
Special Dances:
(from 15 - 25 minutes, depending on the couple)
Next, after the cake cutting, we begin the special dances (yep, more of those "special moments"), and you will need to select a special song for each dance you choose to do. This is why I said I will need to know if you will need time to clean up after a cake smashing. The first special dance is the one you have been waiting for; it is, arguably, the most important moment of your entire reception—your "First Dance" as husband and wife. Following your First Dance, there is usually a dance for the bride and her father, a dance for the groom and his mother, and traditionally, a bridal party dance. Traditionally, each pairing dances with one another for the bridal party dance, but this can be awkward and uncomfortable if the groomsman does not know the bridesmaid, and doubly so if each brought a +1 to the wedding. Today, many couples ask that each member of the bridal party bring his or her +1 to the dance floor for the bridal party dance. This is problematic, though, if you have members of your bridal party who have no date for the evening. Some couples eliminate this dance altogether. The last of the special dances is an "Anniversary Dance". This is an opportunity to honor grandparents or other loved ones who have been married the longest. All married couples are invited to dance, then I begin eliminating couples by how long they have been married. This goes on until the couple who has been married the longest is the last couple dancing. You are free to omit any special dance, and you are welcome to add special dances that are not commonly included (what if the bride wants to dance with her father and her step-father? what if she wants to dance with her mother? you get the idea). Some couples prefer to have their First Dance immediately after the bridal party is introduced and before dinner. Some couples like to save the Father-Daughter and Mother-Son dances until later in the evening. After all, your guests have now been seated for a very long time. Your guests may begin getting restless, or worse, they may get drowsy and begin thinking of leaving early. Again, everything is customizable.
Bouquet Toss, Garter Removal, and Garter Toss:
(from 10 - 15 mins)
The "special moments" continue, and you will again need to choose songs for what comes next. The bouquet toss typically comes first. I call all single ladies to the dance floor, and on my cue, the bride tosses the bouquet over her shoulder for one of the bachelorettes to catch. Tradition says that whoever catches the bouquet will be the next to get married. Following the bouquet toss, I will bring a chair to the dance floor and the bride will sit down. Then the groom will remove the garter from the bride's leg. Most grooms have fun with the garter removal and add theatrics. The accompanying song is your first opportunity to choose a song that is a bit "raunchy," though you can keep the tone more innocent if you prefer. Some brides are too shy or easily embarrassed and choose not to have a garter removal at all. Assuming you do have a garter removal, I next call all single gentlemen to the floor. The groom will slingshot the garter over his shoulder and one of the bachelors will catch it. Like the bridesmaid before him, the lucky bachelor who catches the garter is believed to be the next to get married. And here is where it gets interesting. Traditionally, the bachelor who caught the garter would then place it on the leg of the bridesmaid who caught the bouquet. This still occasionally takes place, but not very often. It can be a very awkward situation. But you know your guests best. Some couples also choose to do the bouquet and garter toss a little bit later in the evening because, again, your guests have remained seated for a very long time. If you open the dance floor for a short time before the bouquet and garter toss, it wakes up the crowd and the party can begin sooner. The drawback is that some of your single ladies and eligible bachelors may leave before you do toss the bouquet and garter. It is not much fun to toss these items if no one is there to catch them. Remember, too, that your photographer may not be staying the entire evening. If he or she has given you a designated time when they will be leaving, you may miss the opportunity to photograph these special moments.
Dollar Dance:
(from 15 - 25 minutes)
For a couple who wants to include the Dollar Dance in their wedding celebration, this fun tradition—which spans multiple cultures—can be a memorable way to unite two families. Couples put a lot of consideration into incorporating cultural traditions like the Dollar Dance into their special day. Because their guests may be unfamiliar with it, I will explain the procedure to your guests before we begin. Perhaps I need to explain it to the two of you, as well? The money dance is a cultural tradition at many wedding receptions in which guests offer the newlyweds money to dance with them, or they shower the couple with money. The custom—which you'll find variations of in Poland, Greece, Nigeria, Philippines, Samoa, Fiji, Tonga, Portugal, Cuba, Latin America, Mexico, Eastern Europe, the United States, and more—is meant to help establish the couple in their new life together or to show how much they are loved and appreciated. The Dollar Dance is also called the money dance, money spray, or apron dance. Performing the Dollar Dance varies across the cultures which practice it. There is no definitive source to reference as to when it started or which country or culture was first to initiate it as part of a wedding celebration. Today, the Dollar Dance works like this:
Your Best Man and Maid of Honor will hold baskets to collect the dollar bills from those who wish to dance with the two of you.
A line will form in front of each of them. Those lined up in front of the Best Man will dance with the groom. Those lined up in front of the Maid of Honor will dance with the bride.
The Best Man and Maid of Honor will send the next person in line to "cut in" every 20 - 30 seconds so the line moves fairly quickly.
Some of your guests will get in line more than once, and some will dance with one of you, then get in line to dance with the other.
The Best Man and Maid of Honor will count the money when the Dollar Dance has ended to announce the "winner".
Beyond its cultural significance, the Dollar Dance became very popular in the United States for a number of reasons. First, the Dollar Dance became a competition between the Bride and Groom to find out who was the more popular dancer. Second, the cash helped the Bride and Groom later that night after they left the reception. Traditionally, couples left for their honeymoon as soon as the reception ended (sometimes, they even left the reception early to leave for their honeymoon). When this happened, the honeymoon was usually already paid for, but the cash from the Dollar Dance allowed them to grab a drink or two at the airport or to stop at Taco Bell for a midnight meal if they were driving to their destination. Third, some couples used the cash to tip their wedding vendors. And fourth, it allowed all guests a brief period of one-on-one time to personally congratulate the Bride and/or Groom. There is not enough time for every guest to have alone time with the two of you; there are far too many distractions and you have an itinerary to keep. But the Dollar Dance allows each guest a few undisturbed seconds to have your undivided attention. Many couples today choose to eliminate the Dollar Dance from their itinerary. Many guests no longer carry cash, and the Dollar Dance is one more activity that delays the party. And some couples feel that their guests have already given enough—they have already purchased you a shower gift and a wedding gift, so some couples feel that asking them for money is just one gift too many. One way couples today compensate for this last reason is to call the Dollar Dance a "Shot" Dance. They will purchase a few bottles of high shelf alcohol and have shots waiting at the other end of the dance floor. When the next person "cuts" in the guest who has just finished dancing with you walks over and takes a shot. In this way, couples feel the dollar was not paid to dance with them, but instead paid for the expensive alcohol. Like everything else listed here, the choice is yours. You can uphold tradition, or you can get the party started.
Dancing:
(usually 3 or more hours)
You will provide me with a list of your favorite dance songs, and I will mix them in a way that flows well and gets people of all ages onto the dance floor. Typically, the older music gets played first while the parents and grandparents still feel like dancing. Then the music gets newer and more upbeat as the younger dancers take over. Consider all of your guests when choosing your requests. You’re not just picking music for 3 or 4 of your best friends. Everyone should feel welcome and involved for your party to be successful. Some couples ask for music requests to be returned with the RSVP card that was sent with the wedding invitation to allow all guests a voice in selecting the music for the party. To learn more about my role during this time, be sure to visit "The Music" page here.
The Last Dance:
(from 3 -5 mins)
I ask you to pick the last song of the evening in advance, and I allow time at the end of the night for the two of you to share one last slow dance together. This bookends your First Dance. There will, of course, be calls for “One more, one more!” But if you’ve chosen the last song, it will indeed be the last song. After your Last Dance plays, I will thank everyone for having me, and then I wish everybody a good night and a safe trip home. That said, I do play an "Encore" song as a send off as guests are leaving. The best "Encore" songs are very deliberate, they are "goodbye" songs, and they cue your guests that the party has ended, and it is time to leave.
But wait! Many couples choose to include one more thing...
The Send-Off:
(from 5 - 10 mins)
The Send-Off is a grand exit for the two of you, which can be as big or small as desired. Couples often use sparklers, flower petals, or bubbles for a memorable send-off and one final photo opportunity.
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